Dream again

Look how far we've come,

We've just opened our eyes,

And we wake up to crying hearts,

Smudged eyes and torn sheets,

Are we too old to be young?

Do we know how lost we would be?

If we were wiser than this,

With more to say,

Than feel and keep inside,

For nights to cry and when the time comes,

To die alone. 

Look how far we've come,

Right here, last year,

We shared words, what today would be like,

Right here, last yeat,

We smashed bottles and rubbed our blood,

Together we sat and said,

"Together, forever"

And look at us now, 

Grey and old, in 52 weeks,

We've grown 52 and we're so tired,

To ever dream again, 

To ever need again,

Its too hard and too late,

We're too tired to dream again, 

If we were wiser than this, 

And wake up with dreams to remember,

Look towards the nights, not for tears or pain,

To dream again, before we die. 

Just to dream. 

Leaves

I knew this day would come,

All of these days,

One by one the leaves of my tree,

That family I made,

Here in this city,

They're letting go,

Its like fall,

And they're falling in different trees,

They're making room for new branches,

But I'm still here,

Waiting for my brances to grow,

And I'm looking down at all I've lost,

I knew this day would come,

Pieces of my being,

Still do smell of me,

In their new homes and places,

They remember be,

Like I write of them,

Here, giving fruits of tears,

Reminding all of you, that I too was a lot,

I had all my leaves making me who I am,

And with the fall, I'm changing,

But I'll be here, my leaves will leave,

But I'll be here, 

Someday they'll fall on me. 

And we'll be us again. 

Flashed life

In that moment,

When life has flashed infront of your eyes,

You're in tears and the truth goes by,

Regrets ate highlighted with the blood on the floor,

And your dreams are in rubble,

Beneathe all this fire. 

When you open your eyes,

And this calm passes over,

When everything sinks in,

And you're in the moment again,

Back in your body, 

Will you run and hide?

Or will you run and cry,

Tell them you love them, 

Everytime could be the last time, 

And every word could be the last, 

Will you call all truces?

And bury all guns. 

Do you want harsh words, 

And jibes and stabs?

To be the last of everything?

Don't you want to bury all hatchets? 

Will you wonder how this cruelty found you?

Will this darkness have a name?

Will you be okay with opening your eyes,

And find some of your grudges,

Gone forever with their lives flashed and forgotten,

Does this darkness have a name today?

Is it your name?

Some

Some will watch you fall,

Some will stand and frown,

Some might run around, be restless even,

But when you fall down,

I'll be there,

Before you, 

To make you feel like home. 

Some will make noise, 

When they watch you stride,

Some will point and maybe smile,

Some could turn around, and even swear,

And I do too,

I swear to you,

When my eyes fall on you,

I'll be there, right next to yours,

To stop mine from drowning me. 

Some will be under the cloaks,

When your fire works,

Some will be hiding in the dark,

There could be love in their eyes,

Maybe, maybe until they're hands are full,

And they'll leave your side,

And I will too,

But I promise,

I'll be there, lighting the fireworks,

Burning for you. 

Shooting stars

We'll be somewhere,

Where the stars fade,

We'll live long enough,

To watch them grow again, 

Like stars we'll walk under them, 

In flashes and false smiles,

For tomorrows pages and papers,

In moments we'll change our lives,

And strangers will make our days,

With what they feel, 

What we're afraid to say, 

We haven't winced or cried,

For broken promises and hearts,

Healing wounds and times. 

And on the way, like along the skies,

Some stars explode, someday they will,

On us. 

But since our time is yet to come,

They brush past us,

Like shooting stars, making us wish for more. 

Find me pages

Find me pages,

And love poems,

Read me words,

And written fate. 

Maybe I'll live again..

Give me reasons, to stay,

I'm about stand and walk away,

But every step,

Hurts a little more. 

If you give me pain,

I'll write again..

In my heart,

I'll scratch again and maybe,

This time I'll bleed. 

Stillness and falseness.

So today was the 3rd of August, wasn't it?

Yes, so it just another day, and I did everything I do, almost every other day.

I was breathing, I ate, and I felt fat.
I walked out on an argument, I won one, and I lost all the rest.
It was just another day, but everything felt different,
There was stillness everywhere, before I walked into the Gym..
Into the burst of adrenaline, familiar faces, and my trainer staring right at me,
He eyes read "Shoulders? Chest? Bi and tri? Back or Legs? What is it today son?"
But I motioned to him, with my goggles, that I'd swim this one out.

Although there were screams, and shouts, of everyone I've broken cells with, running that extra mile, figuratively, I heard nothing.

I changed into my swimming shorts whilst greeting those familiar faces again, in the changing room,
Talking of things unheard by me.

I was still engulfed in this silence I was trying to figure out.

I was scared as I shelter an ear problem, I was worried.
But I could listen to each and every word, I just couldn't hear it...

With these thoughts brushed off, I walked out into the open,
Next to the swimming pool, with the humid air that blew by, over the still water.

Yes, the swimming pool was still, there was no one, but soon that changed.

I jumped in, and I swam around for a while, then I heard it,
What this silence was all about, I heard my heart pounding,
My paused, and my limbs froze, I was in the middle of the pool, at the deep end and I saw the water pound,
And I could feel my pulse deep in my brain, more and more as I tried to pin point where it came from,

I closed my eyes and I tried to breathe, inside the water, yes, I tried breathing.
I was probably choking by now but my mind and my heart was in my heartbeat,
I kept trying to feel it, with my arms stretched out, trying to reach for something,
That could take me where I want to be,
And then I felt it fade, my eyes shot open,
This was my heartbeat, I had found it, and it was fading, slowing down.
It was inside me, and so was the water right now,
And this chlorinated water was winning, as I felt, heard and even saw my heartbeat fade,
With everything inside me burning, there was no more stillness,
There was no more confusion.
Everything started moving again, I saw people jump into the pool, I felt waves from their hands fogging my goggles,
And I felt someone hand pulling me outside,
I remember vomiting out the water, and breathing again, the air this time,
And there it was again, the stillness,
No sign of life, just stillness.