If it wasn't for...

If it wasn't for my love of the process of things,
How I love watching things grow, facing things, pushing the limit,
I'd be the laziest coach potato ever, I'm however not at all lazy.
In the spontaneous moments, how I decide on running miles and made a life out of it,
How I started rhyming a few months ago, and now stand here with heaps of pages.
The pen and the paper, my thoughts and this silence, Its all I'd ever need to keep my alive.
When they pushed me away, when they brought me down,
When I was the punching bag, I remember how I sat in silence,
Imagining life otherwise, like every other kid would.
If it is giving up on everything that you've ever wished for,
Or wanting something you can never have,
Feeling something so true that it breaks you down,
If its screaming to the whisper and talking to the silence,
I've been there, I've pretty much felt all of that.
If it wasn't for the depth of my thoughts, I'd be another 9 to 5..
At times when they fall on me, I walk to place I'd usually drive,
This is how I usually waste time and fall behind of daily chores.
I put my headphones on and suddenly the world stops making sense,
Screaming so loud and I never heard a thing,
I look at my brothers, the ones I live with and don't.
I can see how I would die for them,
I wouldn't say they're always there, but I wasn't so much of a needy person anyways.
When it comes to cheering me up, I've never been more thankful.
When it comes to making me feel like a father, well I wouldn't be thankful.
They're so brave on the outside, putting on the fake faces,
Deep inside, we're all the same, ready to fall apart,
Never letting the other know,
We do everything together, from hiding from the nerds to facing the retards.
We all talk so much but never say a word, weird init?
If it wasn't for my conscience, the way I realise everything that goes wrong,
How every turn that I take makes me feel more and more concious,
Am I wrong? What is it that I'm doing? And why?
All these questions have never let me fall in the wrong plates,
And this would be everything on the inside that I'll never speak,
Maybe you've read it in my eyes.
Or just read it out here.
If it wasn't for all of you, I'd never be me.