Five seconds of today.

I feel like im losing my sanity.
I feel like theres a part of me drained from this heartache calamity.
I know a part of me gave up.
I know a part of me that never shuts up.
A part of me, that leaves you untame.
A part of you, that eats my sane.
I'm feeling pain that doesnt shove off.
I'm feeling pain like a wrist slit off.
I'm making your eyes believe im happy.
I'm making you see all of mine thats not crappy.
Hope you dont see me like i know i am.
Hope you believe the something good in me.
In this place.
In this body.
In this heart.
I'm shedding tears.
I'm cursing fears.
Every waking moment.
Every freaking second.
Every hearty feeling, i try to supress.
All i end up with is the want to express.
In my heart, theres a dream.
In my head, i just scream.
Cant scream out loud, you'll bother me.
If i tell you why.
Will you believe?
If i tell you why all i see, is a picture with you and me.
And a broken frame for the picture doesnt fit.
Cut me off.
This makes me sick.
It makes me cry.
Every day i wait for you.
Five minutes later you say 'Goodbye'.
Five second ago i was about to say, wht i left five days earlier for today.
Everytime i tried.
Each time i cried.
Everytime alone.
Each time its gone.
I hate you for a while.
Feelings just dont register.
My hearts fond of you.
Theres nothing i wont do.
Now im used to, living two lives inside my own ,the other half just crazy about you.
The other half just wants to be happy without you.
This pain makes it real.
This feeling makes me feel.
This bonding i wish to seal.
I just hope you see what i feel.
Its always a longing of every written matter, every scribbled note...
Its the longing of reaching out.
Its the longing of speaking up.
Its the longing of loving you.
Its the longing of coming true.
All i did was wait.
All i did was try.
All i end up is hurt.
It always makes me cry.
If only i could be blessed with your presence , i'd lie to you about my black under eyes.
I'd lie as ive cried night and day for you all mylife.
Ive cried for every battle ive lost.
Ive cried for every thought of us thats crossed.