Scenario #30

I really don't know what this is, I started it off as something and it turned into something else, so well there it is.

I can watch over you,
If you're letting me be.
I can runaway to far off land,
Where I'll find the diamonds you deserve,
I'll wait in the cold,
Shine beneathe the moon,
And until their howls calm down,
I'll stay in the caves,
Somewhere faraway where your beauty belongs,
At the edge of this cliff,
Joining the river of love,
And they swim and glide,
Leaving nothing unturned,
I'm travelling to far off land,
Where the diamonds I'll find,
Where I get what you love,
And I'll be there in there in the night.

I can promise you everything,
But I'm known to throw my words,
I'll always been left behiind,
After I've brought you here, so far.
And holding you, your hands and fingers,
We've together, fought your fears,
I could break my promise,
But I will never break your heart,
And if we miss days together,
And they win over me.
If I'm gone, I'll leave nothing to suffer,
I'll leave you my heart by the sea,
And I'll leave you my love for eternity.
I am nothing but a traveller,
And I'm setting out for the diamonds you deserve.

Random day at work.

So I'm at work and at times it can get dull and dry.
An hour feels like days.
So before I go on about work, let me tell you what I actually do here,
Almost all sorts of things, from money conversion, as in calculative,
To making Invoices, going out and collecting cheque's or meeting customers, getting Enquiries,
And basically managing the I.T Department of the company,
So today I get a call from my brother from Sharjah, and he wanted something (:
And I kinda did it right away, and I get a reply saying...
"

Thank you saad !

You are very fast masha Allah

Brgds,
*name*

"

And its times like these that the laggy hours and boring days get worth it ^_^
Its a general thing for every human to feel the need to be praised,
And when it comes to this, I say, I am almost equivalent to nothing,
There's no harm to my ego in saying that I like being praised.
I think all of us, but if you don't then well I've no words for you =D
Until next time,
Lemme get back to work.

Lost pages of 2010 #11

I wrote a note today.
I think it had your name, call it a letter.
Wrote everything I believe was good in you,
I believed. I witnessed.
I folded it away. I kept it with me for a while.
Read it aloud to myself when alone.
Read it so many time, the page looks a century old.
There are watermarks almost everywhere.
I'm guessing those are my tears.
Folding it for the last time.
One last read. Check.
One final look. Check.
Grabbed a match stick, burned it down. Check.
Was thinking to myself, why read about you
When I can't have or see you.
Whenever I wish, whenever I will.
Can't talk or sit, with you, someplace.
Quite. Peaceful. Lovely.
Why not?
Cause everything in life has a drawback.
You never get what you want.
Well not usually, I bow to your frienship.
I know deep down my heart, I'll never be over you.
I'll never see you again, I can never hate you.
I. Hate. This.
Things aren't usually the way you want them.
If they are for you, I say make no mistake in living the moment.
Bad time lingers. Bad times leave mark.
Whether a broken heart, or a broken hand,
A would or a gash.
From infinite to the point where our pain starts, unbalanced and uncoached.
Not prepared for this rough bumpy road.
Yet life gives you no seat belts.
Falling off is death.
Holding on is hope.
Closing your eyes and facing the facts is courage and sheer stupidity.
Never works. Never will. Never has.
A stupid note got me thinking, well I won't call it stupid anymore,
It got me thinking how someone might not have done anything for you,
But you still owe them a lot.
Owe them moments of happiness in times of cry.
You owe them sloppy smiles played, alone inside your room.
Little do they know that its their thoughts that shine our eyes.
Like a thousand rubies?
A note got me thinking how, someone could possibly wish for a task manager,
In the context of your heart or an 'Alt + F4' function maybe?
For forgetting is hard, dehydrates your body... All that crying.
 Not good for your health, you know?
Lifes bad right now, well no one asked.
Who cares? I share my word with no one anyways.
Don't. Let. Good. Times. Go. Away...
Think twice before you do something regarding your pumping organ.
Hurts and sucks.

Scenario #29 by Nada Mir - Why does your pain hurt me?

If you've died, I've felt myself die.
And if you've not, it still hurts here,
Ripped off into shreds,
And this heart beats me,
Harder than your words,
But when I see you hurt,
When I see you cry,
I'm bound to the corners of darkness,
Sitting alone, with all of my pain,
All of your pain that I make mine.
Oh darling, why does it hurt me?
When you stand so far, and I can see you hurt?
I'm ripped into shreds, into pieces.
There's no beauty in this life.
And I've never let anything reach out to me,
But why does it hurt so much?
When I see you, crying there in pain,
It beats my heart,
It hurts more than being alone,
In this darkness, my pain stings,
Your pain that hurts me.

I'll walk to you, when your sorrows rain here,
In this town, I'll walk every road,
Holding your hand, we'll take steps.
Together, they can brush off on me,
And your tears and wet my curls,
And for every streak of sunshine,
I'll watch you smile, and I'll fell myself glow,
Like your sorrow and your pain,
How it beats and breaks my heart,
When I see you smile,
You bring life to me,
You bring peace, bring my pieces back.
In the morning light, we'll glide and dance,
All over this town,
Picking up pieces of our pain.
We've felt it together,
Holding your hand, I've been through it.
Your pain that hurts me.

Why does it hurt watching someone hurt?

Lost pages of 2010 #10 My other shayer side ;)

Kaisi zindagi ban si gayi hai,
Udaas chehra jhalak raha hai.
Naam ke dost to kayi hai,
Tu ek hamesha saath raha hai.

--
Urdhti patang ki tarah thi meri zindagi,
Kat gayi apki nazroon se, chun li maine apni khushi.

--

Lehroon jaisi thi meri zindagi,
Idhar uthar jhumti.
Jo tum aye, aisa lagta hai ki ab,
Badal banke barasna baqi raha hai.

--

Urdhti hawa ab udaasi layi,
Mere khwaboon pe yeh jo chayi.
Ab tum hi bata do ay zindagi,
Kis gunah ki hai yeh saza payi?

--

Tere chehre ki woh muskurahat.
Neend meri udhaye.
Ek woh pal jo yaad karna chahein,
Woh pal hi na yaad aye.

--

Dekh kar tumhara woh muskurana.
Dil bhi ab rangeen hogaya hai.
Cheen na chahte to yeh pal mere,
To ab yeh rang tum hi mita do.

--

Bekhabar thi meri sari umar,
Jab tak tumhe nahi dekha tha.
Ab ti kisi cheez ki khabar ki liye fursat hi kahaan?

--

Jee rahe the apke palkhoon mein,
Toot ke giri jo bhaon apki,
Rakh kar hatheli pe,
Dua ban ke urdh gaye apki.

--

Lost pages of 2010 #9

Remembering the most painful, most numb moment of my life.
Saw you emerge from a crowd like a purple pretty butterfly.
At that moment, right then, I had no stomach.
Well what can I say?
I was dumbfound and unable to move.
Unable to unto the magic of a butterfly, lovestruck.
Pumped up. Hypnotized. I stared right through all the walls and barries in between,
Catching your eye, my smile made you smile.
Ofcourse, it was sloppy, your face made my day.
My heartbeat felt like a hammer on butter.
And the end left with nothing to say but a 'bye' anyway.

If, only if, and ofcourse I wish,
If you were mine for a day.
A day would mean so much,
A day to care,
A day to protect.
A day to express.
And a day to implement and act upon..
My love.

Lost pages of 2010 #8

Pick you up at 8, take your time, I'll wait.
You're applying your gloss, to be ruined by the ketchup sauce.
We're gonna crash at McDonald's
Choose from one of those menu panels.
Have your favourite meal,
'Hey, I like that heel.'
You're out with me today,
There's no way I'm letting you pay.
That's the last thing I expect you to say,
'Oh look that's our tray' you say,
Your eyes shine like the colour of butterflies,.
'Can I have one of those french fries?'
Stealing off your plate innocently,
You've started thinking differently,
The way I don't like, you don't need to skip or bike,
You'll say 'I wanna lose weight.'
I'll say 'Shush! You look like a tiny slice of cake'
Making that pouty face that takes over me.
How do I make you see what I see?
You're not fay, don't get a yoga mat.
Have fun, go crazy.
Stay cool, not lazy.
'It's dessert time Marie'
'What about me going to 43'
I laughed it off, and then coughed.
'Just wait and watch, I'm gonna get you stuffed.'

Lost pages of 2010 #7

I feel you take my hand, into yours.
I look at you. It makes me cry.
I see your smile, you make me feel like everything's right.
I firm your grasp on my hand. Never let it go.
I clench my eyes, I don't want you to notice my cries.
Now we're walking, I lag behind.
You look at me, my eyes blur a bit.
Your look almost kills me, you move nearer, brush your hand down my cheek.
"Whats wrong? "
"How did I get you?" I asked.
Your eyes soften up and then I see a glint of glow.
You turn around dragging me with you.
I realized I never asked where we were going,
And then I see a steep valley.
A cold breeze hits my face,
Did we just teleport or is it a new part of town I've never seen?
So beautiful. So serene. So lovely.
I feel hot water run down my face,
You pull me closer, wrap your hands around me.
You're an angel sent to make me believe I'm incomplete without you around me.

Lost pages of 2010 #6

I held my hand, waiting for you to accept.
I'll hold you hand and make you forget.
I'll make you plat a smile along those ruby lips.
I see you try to false it in a way.
Don't do this to me, I put my hand on your shoulders,
' Look at me, tell me what's wrong..'
You smile amd push me away.
I stand there, hurt by all means ofcourse.
I look at you, I think you regret.
I've never been a jerk or never meant to be one.
Why push me away? Why?
While all I want to do is bottle up your pain and drink it up.
Let me suffer, let alone I die.
I cannot see you cry.
Not another time, not ever.
Not a tear, I'll stand here.
Right here wating for you.
I believe its impossible for you, to let me help ypi.
Let me make you happy.
I know you're very unhappy.
Do you have any idea what I feel?
Do you have any idea what I go though having this stupid sensitive heart?
Only to top it off you being a gashed wound on it.
You being the one I've cried, I cry for.
You are special.
You are amazing.
Nights are not real. Letting something be there is soothing.
Take my hand, grab it firmly, don't ever let go.
I'm here for eternity. Use me. Redeem all I have.
Smile. Laugh. Grin. Shine.
I'll be happier than a baby with a lollipop.
I want to make you forget.
I want to share a secret.
I've loved you always, I've adored you like a teddy bear.
You're a medicine to all my negetivity.
You're the reason of my ocassional stupidity.
You. You. You :')

Lost pages of 2010 #5

Promised myself to wait.
Promised to wait for my honest feeling.
Wake up and find myself incomplete.
Open my eyes, I see rays of defeat.
Close my eyes, I see my dream.
Vivid and lovely, however it seems.
Beautiful and amazing.
Every waking minute, a new scenario of success.
Every working day, a new responsibility on my chest.
Watch the world go on, feels so true, I avoid moving on.
Lively colours, beautiful meadows, relate me to my loved princess,
Along with my smiles, I shed tears of joy.
Along this road of my book, I see a huge white house.
Along the edge is a sweet pale fountain.
Around the back is the hint of Lily and Rose fragnance.
A swing with the trace of flowers hanging.
A pool left for summer to gain its place.
From the rooftop I see, a river pass down the valley.
The rushing noise of water and the appearance of snony flakey yet foamy water.
Makes it real, still dream. Very surreal.
A car parked by for the occasions I dream at night.
A neighborhood with the trait of peace and calm.
 A place in which I wish to reside.. with you.
Every day, every night.
Lend my eyes. Witness this dreamland.
Help me make it real. I'll forever thank you.
I'll owe you a dream, a dream come true.
I built for me and you.

Lost pages of 2010 #4 "Random rainy day in India"

What I see from this window I sit upon,
Flashing lights, No I'm no celebrity,
Its a super wild drizzle and about to rain.
' Oh I love the rain blah blah blah', I don't, so shush. What I did was let my ears eat my earphones.
'It's a weird world don't you know it' Well I must be more weird to have been listening to this weird song.
 My cousin just came up, poor guy went out to the grocery store which would have been me btw,
Only if I wasn't sick, believe me, I love being sick.
So my cousin says that there are flying bricks and a stupid twister out there.
Must have been adventurous,
Why was I sick again? Argh!! Oh oh oh I just heard a blast. I think the transformer burst and I smell rain.
Mhmm.

5 minutes later.

Hey!! Where did it go?
Would have been my awesome adventure here in Delhi.
Yes, I have moved from my birth place, the best city ever ( Well that's cause I've lived there for like 15 years and 7 months and 11 days.. < no minutes and seconds, be reasonable > LOL )
So yes I miss Jeddah terribly. And ofcourse all my friends.
Family friends, you get the point yeah?
What kind of a song is 'Chal Ishq De Adde'.
Moreover what's it doing on my iPod? *frowns*

Okay so I think the 'twister brick flying tornado' of sorts has died. That's sad.

Argh, I hate fever and I love it too.
Ohh look CoOoOoooooOoOkKkIiiEeeesSs.
I'm starving.
;)

Lost pages of 2010 #3

Don't smile and walk away.
Don't make me want you another day.
Don't care what I go through anyway.
Don't cry for my shoulder's far away.
Don't make that mistake again.
Don't be alone I'm a click away.
Don't believe a thing she says.
Don't lie and make my day.
Don't linger on his fake 'hey babe'.
Believe me things could have been better in a way.
Only if you'd accept me in his place.

I know I've hurt you quite a lot of times terribly,
I'm the one suffering in my misery.
Its because you won't let me go.
I've had enough now to keep my cool.
Take my advise and vanish away forever.
Don't be my heartache, I know its a dirty favour.
Vanish away, don't give me more pain.
Believe me its hard but you've made it a game.
Loving you was the biggest mistake of my life.
Oh how I wish I could just make you my wife.
Let you make your choice,
I'll have the beautiful wife.
But somehow something is very wrong with my life.

Lost pages of 2010 #2

Taking you away from me this world is,
Miles away is where I am.
But distance is distance.
Doesn't change what I have in my heart for you,
Doesn't matter if you don't love me,
Adore me, the way I do.
Doesn't matter at all, cause I believe,
That great things happen in the blink of an eye.
I'll wait, I'll for you are my sunshine, my gleaming moonlight.
For you are the reason of the foolish smile I wear all along,
Be me for a day,
Feel what I feel for you,
Waiting here in my internal misery,
Wondering when you would finally admit,
Finally admire.
Finally make my dreams come true.
No more wishing, no more wishes,
No broken promises, no broken hearts.

Lost pages of 2010 #1

She's a mystery.
Wears a smile that says not in mysery.
"I'm perfectly fine" sounds so perfect.
Didn't she know, lying isn't worth it?
For her world is falling apart as I can see,
He didn't really love her, as I can see.
What am I here for?
How am I supposed to put my trust into her?
How am I supposed to smoothen the creases of worry on her forehead?
Oh how I wish I was someone to tuck her in bed,
Watch her sleep peacefully as the lullaby play her favourite melody.
Wake her up by the smell of coffee.
All I wish for right now,
Right at this moment is to let her know,
What I feel,
Anyway to make it real, my dreams that feel surreal.
Make it real.
Make it happen.
Make it real... Make it happen.

INDOMIE! :D

Okay, so many of you are going to hate me eternally because you've asked me not to do this.
But there is no fun in life when you don't break a few rules.
Okay I didn't say that, rules are made to be followed, not broken.
BUT I'M GONNA EAT INDOMIE TODAY! :D

Lost mind and messed up orientation, waking up coldsweat.

So I've never understood why this happens, and it happens quite often.

Okay to begin, I should tell you, I don't dream like normal people, I do, but like very very rarely.
Once a week I probably do but I don't remember and,
They.Are.Always.Strange.
Either I'm at war with strange people, so I'm walking down with my cat among Tigers and huge, trust me when I say huge Lions, and then there is that particular dream, rather nightmare that wakes me up everytime,
But okay, lets get to the topic,
So yes, I wake up, I open my eyes and I'm forced to close them again, because the littlest of light in my room is too much for them.
Then I try to move my hands, and then when it feels like my body is perforated and all broken in pieces,
Limb after limb I can feel that stiffness, its fun at times but annoying when you need to wake up and do your work.
With all the power inside me, I have to move my body, and there it is, around 20-30 bones cracking, *crack* *crack* *crack*
And then the pounding of the head, So.Freaking.Hard.

And the worst part, I don't remember anything about the night before.... :|

So does this happen to any of you? =D Probably does.

Scenario #28 Graduation.

You'll rememeber these doors,
Their creaks and these walls,
The mischeivious paints you've put there,
They'll remain there, making history.
When you see bright light,
You'll remember these windows the reminded you,
Of the life outside,
When you were engulfed in that board,
You've seen it all up there,
From the alphabet to alpha,
The evolution of man, to the revolution of William,
The sun will go down,
Tonight and you'll all in black,
Hold your heads up high,
Graduation awaits, graduation to you.
Graduation now. Graduation to you.

They'll praise all your efforts,
Those sleepless nights,
And the circles around your eyes,
You'll be glad you came,
The crowd will put a spell on you,
For everytime you smile today,
You'll remember these faces,
The adorable birthday wishes,
Its hurt too but those amazing, birthday bumps.
When the sun comes up,
It wont be the same,
Fill the night with love and pride,
When you look back to today,
Remember these years,
Like a road you've created,
And we've walked the same,
Hand and hand, wishing on stars,
And all we've wanted,
Is here, infront of you.
Congratulations gratuade,
May tomorrow excite you,
May your dreams come true.
May your days be filled with tears of success,
Remember this night,
They'll remember you forever,
Hold your heads up high,
Put your graduations gowns,
Only for today, put your brave face,
Crying inside, you're departing.
Graduation awaits, graduation to you.
Graduation now. Graduation to you.

Scenario #27 - I'll never say goodbye.

The way you wet you dry lips,
Or flick your long hair,
You go red when I say your name,
Driving me crazy when you say 'hey.'
Your smile could be a wonder of the world,
My world, you're becoming my world,
I'd want more and more.
I've been wanting more and more.

The way your eyes shine,
After we crack the fireworks,
Such innocence, I see through,
These classes you wear,
They make you look so cute,
Through them I see your eyes,
Your world in those beautiful brown eyes.
With your hair, tickling you cheeks,
Brushing you down to red.
And I stand here,
Painting my dream, when I see you smile.
You remind me of my dreams.

And I'd go all around the world,
For search your scent,
I can feel you in my arms,
I can smell the sweetness in the air,
But its never te same,
Until you're here,
I'll be stuck in my daydream.
And I'll wait for you to drive me crazy again,
Wait for you to say hi,
I'll be near,
I'll never say goodbye.

Scenario #26 - Broken bird.

You can see your name,
Written up on my hand,
We just sit down there,
Holding my hand, you know what I'm thinking,
Together, we shed those tears,
I don't know why I'm here,
You've hurt me so bad,
I know, I know.
A few words you try to reason me with,
You've become a piece of me,
A part that I couldn't part with,
Of these mornings I woke up empty,
Searching you in my stretch,
Even if I walk away,
I'll break my heart,
Even if you're never here, never around.
I'll never be the same,
I'd never give up, on our love.

Everything you do, make me warmer,
When I sit here in the cold,
Every word you say, make it harder,
For me to leave you alone,
And everything just seems so wrong,
When I'm here or not,
And I've had enough of this regret,
To even care, ever again.
At odd hours, I'm careless and broken,
And then I'm searching for you,
So long, I walk back and forth,
Between where you are, and where I'm not,
I'm heavily broken,
And my pieces lie on the floor,
I don't know what to do,
And with everything, I feel closed.
There's nothing I can do,
With your name carved up on my hands,
I only squint harder and cry,
Until you hold me,
At odd hours, I'd push you away,
And then you're all I need,
I wouldn't know what to do.

And I felt the world come down on me,
I missed you when you were miles away,
I closed my eyes and it never felt the same,
I cry out your name, I didn't know,
It would break me so bad,
You're all I had, when the world came down on me,
And you were the one next to me,
When I had the sun freezes beneath the moon,
The stars feel to my palm,
Leaving burn marks of my guilt.

Surround me with love that I can never breathe again,
I'm so tired of being lost and lonely,
Dwelling with all my fears, fears of closing my eyes,
Your presence in my dreams, doesn't leave me by,
And I open up my wounds, with your smile on my nightstand,
I can see you smiling at me with so much love,
And then my screams and cold laughs,
I cover my eyes, and wish for all of you.
I'd lie there in the corner,
Holding my knees to my chest,
I've never been so alone but I'm almost there,
In the captivity of negetivity, I can see it all,
In this darkness, I can still figure our your face,
Every little details, every scar you've taken for me,
You've hurt me so bad, leaving me here,
Somewhere in the stars, you're there.
I can only cry and wish for my tears to dry,
They'll cloud up on you, remember me?
Do you remember me?

I tried so hard to convince myself,
I'm not in love and there you are,
Smiling at me, I throw things at you,
And they go through you,
I hold myself together and cry.
I can only see you here,
Why don't you feel the same?
My wings are broken,
I can't fly anymore,
I just lie here, wishing I could fly to you.

Scenario #25 by Ur Honorable - Feeling Misanthropic.

We'll all walk together,
Until you need me,
I know I'll be smiling for everything,
The tiny gestures and the bumps on my shoulders,
We'll laugh along to every joke they share,
For everytime you hold your hands to me,
I've picked you up and never let you down,
From the highest mountains,
We've imagined the dreams,
You and me, them with us,
We've made them trip,
And we've drunk down every drop,
Climbed the highest tree's,
And sung the strangest songs,
At the top of our lungs,
We've screamed our love for each other,
And I only feel it, when we're here,
And when you're gone,
You and them
When I'm all alone, I tear down,
I can feel you pick pieces of me,
Get the best of me, until I'm down,
You'll get the best of me,
And I'll never frown.

Why did I feel alone?
I sat at your porch,
Hidden by the thick snow,
I've been here for so long,
And you didn't show,
With a few false promises,
You left me home,
And you've walked all the way there,
I see you get off between the lights,
Smiling and laughing so loud,
Until you see me here,
Crying but fighting with my tears,
Tell me why, I wouldn't reason,
But tell me why.

So cold, colder than my skin,
When I drenched in my pain,
Waiting here for you,
Seasons and sunsets,
Lost and lonely,
And when the clouds crack,
I remember our laughs,
Every moment we shared,
Right here under these stars,
I wouldn't be finding a reasons,
But I'm broken, I'm lost and insecure,
And I need a reason now.

From my shoulder, you've become a stranger,
Stranger than these moments,
our eyes never meet,
And heartbeats lost their sync,
And our dreams stretch far away,
I'm no longer where you are,
We'd end up together,
Them and me, and you and me,
We'd never talk but still be there,
Near the fireplace, by that cafe,
And every time I see those mountains,
Today, I remember our laughs,
Your bright coloured shirt,
Wine of your collar,
And the smell of cigarettes,
That 70's rhythm on the radio,
And its been years, I still sit here,
Deprerate, broken and insecure,
I'd never reason with you,
But here I am,
Finding a reason.

Scenario #24 Heroes and Villians.

We're both here,
Calming you down,
It's been a few years,
And we've never let you down,
Afraid of what we've actually done,
If its all our life in your eyes,
Are we the villains of your life?
Are we the heroes in the end?

You've misunderstood me,
But I'm not upset,
And he's given his blood for me,
Shed all his life, infront of me,
When I had bullets flying to me,
He stood there,
And you misunderstood him,
I'm not upset, you've misunderstood me,
And I could really be the villain,
But he's the guardian angel,
Always was, always had been.

And I'd break your promise,
For my dreams, just to be with you,
And he's been fighting for light,
Although he's blind,
He's always been here, for the better,
For every time it got worse,
Just wiping tears in his eyes,
When he'd see you next to him,
Would you be proud of what he's been?
Will we be the villains of your life?
Or are we the heroes in the end?

Scenario #23 What I've become, So grateful to you.

From every road that I've been to,
I've picked up fresh pieces,
Pieces that I've loved,
Things that I've hated,
I've stayed away from the darkness,
Alone in this crowd,
I learned to pick myself up.
In the farthest of stars,
I've seen myself shine,
All alone but it's been better.
I've so much left to say,
But not today,
I'll let my heartbeat break this silence,
Ponder over what could have been,
What would have been, but not today.
I've tried it in ways you'd never know.
And I'm so proud, so proud of who I've become,
From the best and worse, I stand here,
Falling into their arms with my eyes closed.
And with every hand I've ever shook,
I'll be thanking them someday,
For everything you've made me learn,
If you've made me smile,
If you've stepped on my heart,
If you've ever held me while I cried,
I'll be thankful to you,
With tears in my eyes,
I'm so thankful for all you are,
And for all you've ever been,
While I grew into this image,
This person I stare at,
I'm so proud of who I've become,
And I'd be nothing,
Without the touch of you,
All of you, you've lead me here,
And I'm forever grateful..
If you let me, here's what I'll do,
I'll take care of you.

Scenario #22 Guilt. Crime.

Dan - I did the crime.
Hayley - Doesn't mean you have to get hammered for it all the time.

~ One Tree Hill. Season 9 Episode 3.

It was year's ago,
And I was all over their hate,
Loving every moment I was alone.
Luring out the best in me,
I don't even know you,
But here I am,
Trying to be the best I can be,
Until you read and hear,
All about what I've been,
All about what I've done,
I'm embracing your presence,
If you can feel my insecurity,
I'm sorry, I've been lonely.
If you can see me hurting.
You'll better off, leaving me alone.

If its the end of the world,
I've wasted it all,
Guilty and in this pain,
The way you eyes hit me,
I'm burned inside out,
And I'm trying,
Trust me when I'm crying,
I'm trying for all its worth,
If their stab me on my back,
I'll stand there on the stage,
Just for what I've done,
Years ago but I'm still paying,

I'm dwelling the thoughts,
Of my nightmares,
I'll swear to you,
Its better when I'm all alone,
And I'm dragged to the crowd,
It gets dark under their feet,
I've lost all my hopes.

Scenario #21 - Better days.

So I watching this One Tree Hill episode and I don't know why I just got this scenario

These shadows you've passed,
The ray's of light that disappear,
The music of the soulless pianist.
And the stringless guitar's,
These eyes you stare at,
When you stare at me,
These eyes have seen better days,

They've lingered from the worse to worst,
They've shed tears in the darkenss of times,
But in every beat, they move around.
In every covered lie, they're smaller,
Squinting and closing,
Its colour the most alluring,
And when you stare at these eyes
When you stare at me,
These eyes have seen better days,

In happiness and sorrow,
It beats faster and louder,
Pounding into my skin,
Put your hand here and feel me,
I can assure you, you're not insane,
If it moves into you,
This rhythm and love,
Try to bring me down,
And it'll punch your soul,
The heartbeat that you feel,
When you feel my heartbeat.
This heartbeat's more life that you.

If you think you could be here,
Turn my life upside down,
With every word you'd say,
And every weapon you drop at me,
I'll be standing with my soul,
Upright and I'll never be down,
If you can haunt me with my past,
And you can remind me of my pain,
I'll still smile with my love,
All the love that they've given to me,
And I'll be standing here,
Right infront of you,
Giving you nothing.
I've seen better days.

Songs that mean more than words.

So I was just listening to 'My Immortal' by Evanescence, next song that played was 'For The First Time' by The Script, after that played 'Edge of Desire' by John Mayer, and here I'm sitting feeling ever so vulnerable,
I think nature was out there today to get to me and I decided that I should list out the songs that means a wee bit too much, and they always end up causing strange chemical reactions inside me, and all those fireworks and waterworks :)

So here it is.
John Mayer - Edge Of Desire.
Jason Walker - Down
Evanescence - My Immortal
Tamer Hosny - Nour 3einy
The Script - For The First Time
 Enrique Iglesias - Wish I Was Your Lover
 Jordin Sparks ft Chris Brown - No Air
Lifehouse - From Where You Are... Okay THIS one, its the best song ever, dedicated to the teenagers who lost their lifes in car accidents. I might as well call this song a bit of my recent inspiration.

Well the list goes on and on, but this is all for now. :)

#Realization of the moment.

Okay. So this is very random, but I just read a few blogs and posts,
And I've come to the conclusion that no matter how deep you are boy, a girl will always, believe me when I say ALWAYS, always have the deeper view.

How I right.

Here's my 2nd fail attempt at writing anything other than poems,
I've never really understood why but yes, I cannot really just go ahead and write like that,
But well I'm trying.
So for most part, I guess what I've written on, Is exactly what I've felt inside,
Actually hey, here's an idea, I can just write about what I write about and how :)
So yeah, for me writing is all about feeling and imagining.
If it's an emotion such as hate, rage, love, or well I shouldn't really make you count emotions.
I have always had to feel what I want to write on, to actually write on it.
And its never been that, someone comes upto and says 'Hey, write on this..' and that I grab my pen and my paper and start writing,
It takes time, but when its all inside me, I can write in a minute or so. Depth is all it takes.
Sometimes it can get very overwhelming, I don't have that many readers so I wouldn't really mind sharing this but yes, I HAVE cried while writing,
Not once or twice, it has happened loads of time, and I've still failed to understand why.
I guess its the depth of my view or something of that sort, I'll let you know when I figure it out.
Something that I'm really scared of, and if you're a reader you already know what I'm talking about, its the writers block,
The days when I don't get the feel in my writing, I just highlight everything and 'delete' or well 'backspace',
I had that very recently and I decided on making a page for myself where all of you could go ahead and suggest me what to write on,
And I've been experimenting of this one aspect of writing,
" Using an emotion to feel something other than you're feeling.. "
Like I could be angry at something and write about love at the same time, its like I could grab everything by the hand and lead it somewhere else.
So far so good.

So yeah, for now I have nothing else on my mind, I'll try these more (: InshaAllah.

“Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.” ~ David Borenstein.

Scenario #20 - Ruqaiyah Hasan - Deception.

We walk with knives but never stab,
You're for all I've ever said,
And for the lies you believe,
They've lead us here,
We know no place to go,
And I fall down,
Hoping you never stop,
Never turn around,
I'll be there where we have to be,
I'll be alone and I'll be better,
I've made you believe all I've ever wanted,
I've made you see all the heavens, never here.

You'd never know but I've been true,
Always wanted to take you to that place,
Under the stars, next to the mountains,
There my dreams lie, my thoughts,
But these days, the stars fall down,
And we're left with nightmares,
To never see, tears in your eyes,
I lied, I tried but we died.
You wake up, embracing your pain,
For all I've wanted,
Has lead us here with no place to go,
And I'll walk away,
To make it easier for me,
I'll decieve you,
I'll be there where we have to be,
I'll be alone and I'll be better,
I've made you believe all I've ever wanted,
I've made you see all the heavens, never here.

All the faith you've put in me,
It comes tumbling down,
You'd feel stabbed and bruised,
And you'll never trust again,
For the fear of heartbreak,
For the fear of betrayal.
Never risking everything you own.
All the little things,
Scared of deception.

Fear of being alone.

I've fought for so long,
And I've always felt wrong,
But for you, I've stood my ground,
Sorrow and guilt, they always come around.

'Stay here, I'm all alone',
Such innocence in your eyes,
Such darkness in your soul,
And your heart, colder than the winter,
We've made paintings for them,
Our children's chilren,
In the walls of this cafe,
We shelter here, away from their wands,
Their rage and their disgust,
You've made yourself look so brave,
Crumbling inside, just trying,
To keep me here, to keep you together,
So lost and insecure,
You're so scared of loneliness.
All these lies and false promises.
I've known it all along,
You've never wanted to feel alone.

I've fought for so long,
And I've always felt wrong,
But for you, I've stood my ground,
Sorrow and guilt, they always come around.

If you drift off to your sleep,
And I'm not here, when the sun shines,
That's when you live your dreams,
That you wake up from,
Cold sweat, wanting me hold you tight,
Its when you hug yourself,
And cry to sleep,
And you're waking up again,
Stuck in this nightmare,
For all you've done,
Innocence you've crushed,
Here, you meet your scars,
Those you've carved,
False gimmicks of your pride,
So lost and insecure,
You're living your worst nightmare,
All these lies and false promises,
They've made you feel so alone.

Scenario #19 - Dard - Pain.

I stop at words,
Halfway through,
Looks in their eyes,
And I look back,
Look deep into me,
What is this that I feel?
Their questions and eyebrows,
All raised to my silence,
I stand there and I wonder.
I feel all that is inside me,
Innocence I never found,
Rage that died along,
And I try to feel all I have,
All I feel is pain.

Andar hi andar, yeh duniya kha rahi hai,
Mujhe mere dard se bachlo,
Mere duniya din ba din, bigadti jaa rahi hai.

I stare at these walls,
Like they are made for me,
To keep here and I talk to them,
They know all about me and you,
And the pain you've put my through,
My life, my days and these moments,
I've passed on my memories,
And all I'm left is with this pain,
It stings me when I close my eyes,
When I look deep into myself,
All I'm left with is this burn,
All over my skin,
Like you're running in my veins,
Run away from me,
Get away from here.
I've never wanted to be this,
Look at what, what am I?
I feel all that is inside me,
Rage that died along,
And I try to feel all I have,
All I feel is pain.

Andar hi andar, khatam ho raha hoon,
Mujhe meri jaan le lo,
Mere dhadhkan, din ba din, khatam ho rahi hai.
Dard mein milke, khatam ho raha hoon.

Scenario #18 - "Rang Reza -Oh Painter" Kun Faaya Kun.

My world is different,
Maybe my words mean too much,
I've brought myself here,
Step by step,
But all of you still point at me,
But you're still all in me,
And without you, I lose my soul.
In corners and darkness,
I've let my fingers bleed,
To bring smiles to their faces,
Satisfaction to my soul.
And in emptiness,
I tried bringing love and peace.
But you took away my soul.

Oh painter,
He is the one who is in my soul,
He is the one in your soul,
O dear Lord, he is the one that is mystery

In the loneliest of moments,
I felt your spirits take over me,
Finding me inside me,
And I'm the one who walked this road,
Different than before, and I'll be here,
For wherever you are, my soul, my lord.
I could just sit here and scream,
My voice will reach out to you.
And I'll be all about you,
Guide me to where my heart lies,
I've done nothing and I'm still bleeding,
For their scratches and marks,
Slaps and scream, they haunt my spirits.
And in emptiness,
He was the one in my soul.
He was the one in your soul.
Oh dear lord, he's the mystery.

Scenario #17 - On self.

Usually lost, I'm usually silent,
I fly to that happiness,
Usually yours, I'm never there.
And I see these spots,
From miles and miles away,
I can spot you right here,
Creating this change in me,
All of you, with what you say,
The way you walk and talk,
I'm just here, standing and staring.
I haven't stopped at your rise,
Your shouts and screams,
I've only still swam across this place,
I'm writings the next words you'll read,
When you sit right next to me.
I'm there but I'm not there,
Somewhere where the heart lies,
Across all horizons,
Beyond the silver moon.
And I'm never struggling,
I've never thought,
I'm never stuttering,
For I've never thought, twice.

And I'll come soft on you,
If you're tearing me down,
Or burning my pages,
I'll sit next to you and write them again,
In my tears and in my dreams,
I've only just flew to your happiness,
I've had mine, with your hand held tight,
Just hug me tight and you'll read about it,
Tear me down but you'll never see the creaks,
What they'll say will never be enough,
And for all I've ever said, I've never been enough.
In years and days, months and weeks,
I've only learned to breathe harder,
When you walk swiftly,
Head held up high, I've only learnt,
To never you love me more,
I'll be in pieces and I'll fall floors,
I'll go mad when you're not here,
If you're loving me, I'll be crying for your touch.
Just be careful when you're not here,
I'll be here but not here.
Somewhere where you, my heart, where you will.
Across all horizons,
Beyond this pale moons,
I'll never struggle to tell you,
I love you and I'll think twice.
I'll never stutter,
I'd never think twice.

Scenario #16 - All about you. Random.

I was so sure,
That I'd seen you before,
But I had to go,
Leaving with my mind by your side,
Wherever you're walking to,
Whatever these facade's look like,
I'll try to remember,
When you cross my mind again,
But right now, I've got to go.

Leaving these shreds of papers,
Bits and pieces of who I am,
I've written them down in the darkness,
I've never read, never thought,
I guess I just wrote you down,
You're all in me,
I'm all about you.

I was so broken,
When I didn't see you here,
Among the crowds,
We stand here everyday,
I'm for you, you for this road,
You walk where it takes you,
And I'm memorizing every look,
Every move you make,
Like butterflies in the crowd,
I'll spot you down,
You're all in me,
I'm all about you.

I'm remembering every thought,
Thoughts that take me to you,
In the nights like this,
How I'm here right now,
Finding reasons to be closer to you,
While you're somewhere under the stars,
Lights someone else's world,
While you're somewhere under the stars,
Dreaming of me, like I dream of you?
You're all in me,
I'm all about you.

Scenario #15 by Ur Honorable - Nature.

Green, brown and blue,
Soft and see through, like the dew.
Strong like the thunder,
This peace, leaving you to wonder.
Where is this place we talk about?

In the roar of the king,
And the swiftly just walk away,
One for the elder,
And the elder for all,
In its silence we're all scared,
And in our darkest, its always bright,
Mother nature, you'll always been here,
But we still cut, and we make her cry,
We're bringing it down,
But you've stood there, just weeping.
When the rain falls,
Was it the blades that cut you?
When the ice melts, and we drown,
Is it that you've had enough?
Promises we make to you,
But never keep.
Promises to keep our promises,
But we never do.
And you're left cying.
You've always been there.

When we run our fingers,
Down the woon and the rain,
We reach out to the sky,
For every drop that we can find,
Until the redness of the sky,
Leaves the redness of our eyes,
So beautiful and so serene,
Where is this place we talk about?

When the butterflies, sit on our palm,
We're ignorant of everything else,
Just watch this little being,
A few more days, and she's gone.
When they swim next to me,
I'm hurting for all we've done,
Turning their to darker shades,
Doesn't it make you cry,
When it rains, mother nature weeps.

Marke bhi, yaheen girna hai,
Jab tak saans bhari hai,
Ishi kudrat ki nazar mein rehna hai,
Kyun rote ho raat bhar,
In phuloon ko dekh kar,
Muskurate raho.

Scenario #14 - Your Picture.

I'm looking at your picture,
There's so much mystery in your eyes,
There's so much innocence when you smile,
And beauty when you glide.
There are these thoughts in your mind,
That leave me left behind,
Amazed over what you are,
Waiting for your word again,
Waking up from these lonely dreams,
I wake up to your smile,
Here on the night stand,
I'm staring at your picture.
Such beauty when you smile.
Innocence when you close your eyes.

I'm looking at your picture,
This mischievous grin you play,
I'm at the edge of my seat,
Waiting for your burst of laughter,
You're so beautiful when you breathe,
You're so beautiful when you're near,
I'm amazed by the way you leave me,
With a quick word, making me feel loved,
And its never over, until you're here again.
I look at your picture,
And I fall in love.
Then I hear your thoughts,
And I'm falling in love again.

Scenario #13 - Subway Station.

The honks and electronic beeps,
'Platform number 1',
And the rush on their faces,
A sad mother,
Moving away from her one,
With their bags and laughs,
And the ticking buttons,
They're in this parallel world,
All together,
They're all waiting,

All aboard and I'm still waiting,
Watch them walk,
Hand in hand, and in herds,
They all move to different places,
I stand here and watch them all,
From the eye of a writer,
I can see their emotions,
Like the world goes silent,
When I look at you,
And you, and you too..

A girls with her dad,
With flower for her grave,
The tears of her mother,
She misses her beautiful voice,
From here,
'Platform number 7'
All aboard and she moves,
I sit here and watch her heart weep,
From this eye,
The eye of a writer.

Scenario #12 - While sitting an empty classroom..

Empty classrooms,
And the stillness in the air,
With these thoughts and dreams,
A paper, a pen, and this board,
We're all here, seeping in these words,
Sinking into the deep ocean,
With our heads held high,
We've all learned,
To let them pass by,
To let them throw us down,
So we can stand up again,
And they're all over us,
Sheltering us from the truth,
Life is hard and life is beautiful,
And they've held us together,
Brought love to our eyes,
Since when we've been able to say,
Nothing, we've said nothing that made sense,
And they've held our fingers,
Watched us grow,
Giving these years a new meaning,
Giving our souls a purpose,
Now I sit here,
In an empty classroom,
With a pen, a paper and this board,
I remember my days,
I remember the endless cries,
To get away from here,
To just run into her arms,
And here I am, sitting here..
With a pen, a paper and this board.

Beauty of my life.

In the softness of your eyes,
And the way they stare at me,
Bringing me and you here together,
When you say my name,
I can feel your brush,
The way your eyes sparkles,
And the giggle with your smile.
Watch me, watch you,
Making promises for my love,
This smile right here,
I'll guard and cherish,
And when you say my name,
This voice right here,
I'll conceal and hide,
You're so precious and pretty,
For me to protect.
For me to love.

And since I've heard your voice,
This beautiful tone, this symphony.
I've felt my dreams come to life,
And my fingers tremble,
My heart beats faster,
When you're near, smiling,
Your beautiful smile.
When you're far away,
Leaving me by the clock,
And when the sun goes down,
I can feel us setting too,
When the moons shine so loud,
I remember the sparkles in your eyes,
The giggle with your smile.
So simple and so beautiful.
The beauty of my life.

Stuck in my song.

We stand and fade,
Limb by limb,
Pulse after pulse.
Apart from the misty mornings,
And the darkness in the sky,
The loud volumes of concrete,
Flying when we walk by,
With the mountains over the tops,
And the rain never dries,
We all scream but never shout,
We all run but never move,
Turn it off in the dark,
And we turn in on in the light.
When it hurts like this,
It all goes wrong,
When you move like this,
You're stuck in my song.

I was just that one,
Stood there and let it be,
Hit by the concrete,
And my blood flows,
With the rain and the dust,
I dream of closing my eyes,
But its better than the heaven we dream,
We dream in the night,
And plot in the morniings,
Look what we've got to,
We turn it off in the dark,
When the lightnings are the only light,
We fade in amidst this mist,
In the morning we turn the lamps on,
Look what we've got to,
When it hurts like this,
It all goes wrong,
When you move like this,
You're stuck in my song.

Kidnapped.

We don't need these moments,
When we're breaking,
And we're tangled in this world,
From the streets to this darkness,
When you're bound and in chains,
It all seems impossibles,
And those moments flash in a blink,
And every footsteps searchs for you,
You my loved one, come here save me,
Untangled these chains,
And take me away,
Leave me alone for a while,
But never let me go,
I'm here again,
Feeling kidnapped.

If you are here,
Watch me trace my fingers to that scratch,
When he pulled me by the neck,
And I hear your screams,
I heard you call my name,
Like we're in heaven,
So soft and so beautiful,
The reality was slipping away,
And I stood there bleeding,
With a knife to my throat,
I felt myself weaken,
Reaching out to all these moments,
If these are my last,
Just to remember them and make them beautiful.
If there are my last moments,
I'll just let it bleed and call your name.

Leave me alone for a while.
But never let me go,
I'm here again,
Feeling kidnapped.

Scenario #8 - Farewell.

Let us stand together,
And bid farewell to these days,
The days that we will cherish forever,
For every moment that we've lived here,
Dwelling in the memories,
The mischievous laughs,
And the shoulders for our tears.
We're letting our hearts wander,
To where they belong,
For the rest of our lives,
For these roads we all walk upon.
We'll be strong and we'll be bold.

I cry for the ones I love,
And here I am,
Crying for you.
Standing here, I can feel you fade,
For so much that you mean,
And when you stand so high,
Making our heads lean,
So much respect and so much love,
Farewell right now,
Farewell to you,
You, my dearest seniors,
Will remain in my heart,
For the rest of my life,
For everytime I look back to today,
I'll remember the smiles on your faces,
While I stand here, bidding farewell.
And making a memory.
Farewell right now.
Farewell to you.